First let me say GG is NEVER allowed to go on vacation again! It is too hard to do everything without her help, plus as cute as Izzy is, she is annoying as hell! Luckily GG is home and I have my helper back and no dog full of anxiety.
Friday was crazy at work and I had some difficulty and had no one to pick Lotte up from daycare, that was a horrible feeling! Luckily Ms. Rhonda doesn't care when I am a little late and I was able to pick up baby girl. Again GG is back and I don't have to worry about not being able to get Lotte if I get stuck at work!
Saturday was eventful!! We went to Lariland farms in Woodbine and it was so much fun! Lotte had her baby friends and we got to go on a hayride, pet animals at the petting zoo, eat apple fritters and look at pumpkins. I really wanted to be able to get a pumpkin for carving (my favorite fall activity) but sadly I could not carry Lotte, a diaper bag and pumpkins lol, so we will have to go to the store for our pumpkins this year! It was a lot of fun and I'm glad we went. It was bittersweet though, the other little girls all had their daddies with them and got to ride around on daddy's shoulders. This was one of those events I had always pictured us doing as family and it was hard for me to do it alone, but I'm glad I did. I love making memories with my little girl and would never miss her first hayride, I love fall!!
Mommy & Lotte at the pumpkin Patch:
First hayride! It was an old school hayride too, no bales to sit on, just sitting right in the loose hay, that Lotte enjoyed grabbing and putting in her mouth lol:
I just LOVE baby feet!
Mommy & Baby Skeletons:
Lotte & her baby friends Ellie & Violet. We call Violet and Charlotte, Letty & Lotte lol!
Lotte the Pumpkin Queen!
After the pumpkin patch Lotte got to enjoy some time with her visitors. Chris and Megan came over and brought Mommy some wine and it was so nice to catch up with friends! We then got to go out to dinner with them and our other friends Mike & Rachel. As usual Lotte was a show stopper!
Uncle Chris making Lotte laugh!
She is getting so so big!
Lotte's got your nose!
Now Sunday is where things get tricky. Saturday after all of our adventures I was exhausted!! So like the old lady I am I attempted to go to bed around 9 with the little one. Lotte had other plans! She was up all night. Anytime I put her down she would just fuss and fuss and then scream and scream. So I basically held her all night and didn't sleep at all. It sucked. It sucked a lot. At least our baby brigade walk was at 8am, and we were already up. Lotte did well on the walk, although I am sure she did not like being bundled up. It was kind of like A Christmas Story where she couldn't put her arms down haha!
But she did well on her walk and enjoyed seeing her baby friends again. She fell asleep on the second half of the walk and I thought that was a good sign, but as soon as we got home she was back to hating life! Anytime I put her down she screamed and screamed. We picked GG up at the airport this afternoon and it was great to see her and give Izzy back. It was also nice to have someone to hold the baby so I could sit for a minute and process my thoughts.
Sadly Lotte is still doing this! She screamed the whole drive home from GG's, and usually she loves car rides! She has done it all night. Currently she is eating so she is not screaming. I had to push her in her BOB for over an hour tonight in the house just to get her to calm down. I have no idea what to do. I am so sad for her. I wish she could tell me what is bothering her so I could fix it. I feel so incredibly helpless! I have no idea what to do. She is fed, clean, fresh diaper, no fever, not constipated, all of her snot has been suctioned out, I tried dressing her in more clothes in case she was cold, let her be naked in case she was hot (plus she loves to be naked) but the only time she remotely calms down is when I am holding her and singing and moving. I am at my wits end. Sadly Adam was at the beach until late tonight so he couldn't watch her for a little while, and mom just returned from vacation so I didn't feel right handing off my fussy baby to her, so it's just me and I really need a break. I feel like that makes me a shitty mom. What kind of mom needs a break from their baby? I am hoping that she is so tired she sleeps better tonight and starts fresh tomorrow. I am praying that she feels better tomorrow and is good for Ms. Rhonda and I do not have to take her to the doctors again. It breaks my heart that I don't know why she is so unhappy and that I don't know what to do to fix it. I am also emotionally and physically exhausted, so I'm sure that does not help.
I feel like I did a lot of complaining in this post and talked a lot about the things I'm lacking such as sleep and sanity lol, however I am so rich in other areas of my life and so happy overall I thought I should end this post with a list of things I am thankful for:
1. My job - so many people are not fortunate enough to even have a job, and I have one with a great support system built in and the flexibility where I can still feel like I am taking care of my little one to the best of my ability
2. Mom friends - It's really nice to have a group of moms I can get advice from and that invite me to do things I normally would not be able to do, or have to do on my own. Plus Lotte loves to look at other kids and babies so its nice for her to have people to socialize with.
3. Friends! - It was great to see my friends I haven't seen in awhile and enjoy a meal out and adult conversation. It is a rarity that I get to go out and do things like that these days
4. My mom - so happy she is home. I am happy that she is here to help and I never have to worry about help with Lotte, it is also nice that I can get free hugs when I am down and out and really need them
5. That Dexter comes on Sunday nights - I was walking Lotte in the stroller in the house during half of Dexter, and at one scary part I screamed and woke her up, but its nice that I can still catch my shows and unwind.
6. LOTTE!! As much as she screams, spits up, keeps me up all night, she is the most amazing thing I have ever made and the most amazing person I have been fortunate enough to interact with. I hope every day that I am making her proud. Everyday I work hard to be a better person so that I can be the best mom possible.
Although I anticipate another sleepless night tonight, I love my little girl and I LOVE our life together, and even though sometimes it's hard, I wouldn't change a thing, It is outta control how amazing she is :)
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