Where has time gone?

Labor day is over, summer has ended.  I can not believe that summer has ended.  This has been one of the best and hardest summers of my life.  My little Lotte will be three months old on Thursday! I can not believe that this little person has only been in the outside world for three months.  But she was in my tummy for nine months.  I can't believe this little lady has been a part of my world for a whole year!

It is crazy where I was in my life this time last year.  We found out I was pregnant in October.  It feels like yesterday though.  I actually did not believe the first test.  In fact I took eleven at home tests before going to the doctor.  I was six weeks pregnant when I first heard her heartbeat and saw her on the monitor.  My mom looked at her little bean self and said "it's going to be a girl I can tell". 

So many emotions ran through me.  I was excited, happy scared.  I was proud to be starting a family.  I didn't have the easiest pregnancy.  I was horribly sick, crazy emotional and it ended with me being induced due to preeclampsia.  But Lotte is here. I would do it all over again in a heart beat. 

Today I used her last newborn size diaper! She has moved on to size one! They are little big, but definitely doable! I did shed a little tear.  She gets bigger everyday.  Yesterday she went on a swing for the first time.  A year ago I could not even imagine pushing a baby on a swing!

I spent nine months talking to this little person inside of me, wondering what she would look like, how she would act, if she would have hair! And here she is three months old.  She is pretty as can be and such a joy to be around.  And she has finally stopped looking like George Costanza and has grown hair on top of her head. 

I spent nine months picturing what my life would be like a baby, how things would change, things we would do.  I had visions of me and Adam strolling down the beach with Lotte strapped in the baby bjorn while Dex tagged along, and of course my hair and skin would look great because of the prenatal vitamins.  First, what a lie. My "pregnancy glow" was just shiny face oil clogging my pores and I got five inches cut off of my hair because of dead ends.  Thanks for that myth.  Second, who has time to leisurely stroll when they have a newborn? Let alone make it to the beach! I still haven't had the chance to sleep for more then three hours at a time (and that's one a good night) and I have been covered in vomit, spit-up, poop and pee.  While being covered in these bodily fluids, I have also had to work on accepting that my husband no longer wants to be married. 

Clearly, this is not what I pictured at all. BUT, it is still BETTER then anything I could have imagined.  This baby has already brought me so much joy.  I love to watch her learn and grow.  Although I am sad that I used her last newborn diaper and that she is getting older and will one day hate me (as do all teenage girls) I am also so excited.  I as I pushed her on her swing yesterday I was so happy to be there for another "first".  I can't wait for her first steps, and her first time eating solid foods, her first words, her first day of school, her first dance. 

It is amazing to me that this time last year I was at the beach, with friends hoping and praying that one day I would be able to have a baby.  And now here she is, and she is amazing. 

                                      November 3rd, first time I heard her little heart beating:

 

September 2, 1st time on a swing