Thursday, April 3, 2014

No, I don't have a husband thanks for asking

Most of you know I started a new job. Today I was telling a cute story about Charlotte and someone who I'd don't know well said "you have a daughter?" I proudly responded yes!! And she said "wow, I didn't even know you were married, that's great" 

Stopped me in my tracks. Since when does someone need to be married to have a child? 

I know she didn't mean anything by this comment, and she's actually a very nice person, but those words made me want to simultaneously punch someone, cry, and eat a king size kit kat. 

I almost wanted to say, you're right I SHOULD be married but I'm not. Sorry if it offends you. But the thing is ppl don't have to be married to have a kid, ppl don't need a partner to have a kid. 

I didn't choose to be a single mom. When Charlotte was conceived and born, I was married to her dad, and I thought we'd be married forever. I was shocked and thrown for a loop when Charlotte was 13 days old and he said he wanted out. I had no choice, no control over the situation, no say in it. I was blindsided, I wasn't asked about it, wasn't offered a chance to work on anything, wasn't given options, was just told that he was out. 

So no I'm not married, but have a kid. I'm not a bad person, I'm not a slut, Im not a crazy person. Ppl constantly assume I'm married, or in a long term relationship or at least have a boyfriend when they find out I have a very young daughter. I've been asked the following things throughout charlottes young life: do you know who her father is?, why did you leave your husband; it's hard to raise a kid on your own; but she's so young, why; it doesn't seem like a good decision; isn't it hard.  (The one I hear the most often, literally almost EVERY time I have to explain to ppl that no I do not have a husband is "but she's so young")

So here you go universe, no I don't have a husband, yes I know who her father is, yes she's young, I didn't have a choice in the decision, but thanks for your input, yes yes it's hard (but nothing good has ever been easy), yea, you made your point she is young, oh she's young? I had no idea, thanks. 

I feel bad getting upset over a comment that is meaningless to someone else, but honestly I hear this shit all the time, and it doesn't make me feel great. Some days are better than others, but most days I'd like to wear a sign that says "I have no husband, and I'm not accepting comments or questions, thanks anyway"

I love my daughter more than anything in this world, and I love being a mom, it's really fucking awesome! I'm super blessed to be able to be able to be a mother, but I'd be a good mother with or without a husband. 

There all different types of families, some ppl aren't married but have kids, some ppl aren't allowed to get married and have kids, some ppl have an oops with a one night stand, some ppl never had a long term relationship but go to a sperm bank bc they want to have a kid, some ppl adopt, some kids have no parents, some kids have one parent some kids have four or three some just have a grandmother or an uncle Or something. 

Stupid stereotypes ruin my day. 

But coming home to my one and only always makes it better :)

1 comment:

  1. It's not only sad that people assume you're married because you're a mother, it's even sadder that there's any need for you to explain why. There are all kinds of families; your family is just as "normal" as anyone else's. It is a travesty that there are so many assumptions about mothers in general, but especially single mothers. You are doing a fantastic job and don't deserve anyone's judgement! I hope this gets better, for you and for all people who have "non-traditional" family structures (what does "traditional" even mean anyway?), but humanity seems to disappoint a little too often and progress is slow. So, for now, my sympathies for all the ignorance!