Saturday, December 29, 2012

Sleep Training.

Sleep training....

IT IS THE WORST!

It is however going better then expected. I have a four day weekend and thought I would take advantage of it.  I imagine it is harder on me then it is her.  So last night was night one. She slept in her crib from about 9:30-11:30, then needed some hugs and food, and went back to sleep from about midnight to 3:45 am.  At 3:45 she wouldn't go back to sleep, she was pretty much up and ready for the day, so I gave in and let her sleep with me until six so I could get a little extra sleep. 

I feel like that was a pretty good first night.  It is now night two and as I write this she is asleep in her crib upstairs.  She has been asleep for almost twenty minutes YAY! Tonight she went done with very very minimal crying.  A big improvement from last night.

I have the baby monitor GLUED to my hip, and I get anxious when she stirs and when she doesn't stir.  When she stirs, I get sad that she has such a hard time sleeping peacefully.  And when she doesn't stir I wonder if she is breathing and doing well.  Esp if she has just eaten, I am terrified she'll spit up choke or something crazy. 

I am trying to take this time to clean up the house, shower, do things for myself etc, but I get so anxious it is hard.  Like I said, this is probably harder on me then it is on her.  My baby is growing up and I feel like everyday I am missing it.  I am hoping that with my new job, I will get to spend more time with her.  Sometimes I miss her so much my heart breaks.  I miss her sleeping in the bassinet next to my bed, when I could easily take care of her at night, and reach over to make sure she was breathing whenever I wanted, but I know this is probably best, besides she has an amazing crib and nursery, should be used for sleeping not just naps!

Wish me luck with the sleep training, I imagine I will need more help then Lotte haha.  So many crazy changes in just a few months, my emotions are all over the place, so I'm pretty sure baby girl is fine, but I'll need some emotional support haha!

Friday, December 28, 2012

Baby's first Christmas!

Hard to believe but Christmas has come and gone.  Christmas was weird this year being on a Tuesday! I think it would have been easier if I didn't work Monday and Wednesday around it haha. 

Charlotte did very well though.  She had almost constant excitement and visitors.  She was exhausted by the end of the day.  Charlotte was so spoiled and loved it was great to see.  Last year at this time when I was pregnant, I never pictured her first Christmas to quite play out like this, but it was a Charlotte was happy and that's all that matters. 

Now that Christmas is over, I have taken down the tree and rearranged the house.  Now that Charlotte is a mover and a shaker and has a MILLION toys, she needs more room to play, so no more coffee table for this house. 

It amazes me how smart she is and how fast she has figured out most of her toys.  Charlotte is such a special little girl, I don't know why I didn't expect her to be a genius too!








Sunday, December 23, 2012

It's almost Christmas!

Christmas is right around the corner! And let me tell you, Lotte is already so spoiled! I know I've said it before, but I love that she is so loved, by all.  I get so much joy out of my time with her, but you never know if she is just awesome to me, because she's my baby girl, but clearly she is just the bomb dot com, because everyday a new gift comes her way and people want to see her!

What has she been up to these days you ask? Don't worry, I'll fill you in! Well she loves opening presents, but really I think she just likes ripping the paper then trying to eat it! I was reading one of my baby books and it says this month, she will begin to have "favorite" toys.  Apparently plastic bags are her favorite toys, even though I have showed her repeatedly that all of the bags say "this is not a toy" right on them.  She refuses to believe me!

She is still such a grabber! She now reaches for exactly what she wants.  She has started to fuss when she gets bored and wants her toys changed up.  She is also really in to throwing her toys just out of her reach.  This is somewhat my fault! She did it by accident when she couldn't hold onto things and I said "uh-oh spaghettio" and she laughed, and I did it a few more times, so now that is her favorite game haha.  She really likes peek-a-boo as well, so that is always hilarious! At Gymboree yesterday they had a parachute, she LOVED that thing.  It was pretty exciting. 

She is starting to eat more and more foods which is fun to watch.  She really likes everything.  I think she prefers the fruits to the vegetables, so she must take after Adam in that way instead of me haha. On the 17th she went to her doctors appointment, weighing in at a little over 13 pounds, the doctor told me she FINALLY made it onto the growth chart (bottom 5% of course).  But he is pleased with her growth rate.  If you have ever eaten around Lotte you know that she likes to eat whatever you are eating.  The doctor gave us the go ahead to give her a little bit of people food.  Nothing crazy big obviously, no nuts or shellfish, and that type of thing.  I was eating sweet potatoes the other night and gave her a bite.  She also had some pineapple, which she loved!

The other thing she is really into these days? Moovin' and Groovin'! The best part is that she grunts like a tennis player when she tries to stand up on her own or crawl.  It is hilarious haha! She is working on becoming completely mobile, so we'll see when she just takes off on her own!

It feels like just yesterday I was bringing my little peanut home and now she is so active and movin around on her own.  It's hard to believe that just a couple months ago, I could barely get her to eat, and now she puts everything in her mouth and trys every food! I love being her mom, I am so proud of her, and proud of myself for doing such a good job.  Every day presents a new Challenger, but I feel like I am handling everything well, and I am happy with the life that is being created for her! Enjoy the montage of Lotte opening gifts! She is too cute!









Monday, December 17, 2012

Reflections

I haven't posted at all about what happened in Newtown, but I have been thinking a lot about and reading all the news articles and peoples facebook posts.

I am pretty political. I have very strong viewpoints on most things.  This recent incident only has me thinking about one thing...baby girl! When Obama read the names of the poor babies that lost their lives he said "Charlotte".  It really hit home.  I have no idea how someone could stand to lose their child, especially when a child is so young.

I literally can not even imagine the pain they are going through.  I think I have had many challenges in my very short life, and I feel like I am a very strong person and would list resilient as one of my best traits, but this type of tragedy is not something I think I could work through. 

My heart goes out to everyone who lost their child.  Even the adults are some one's baby.  Tragedies like this really mean something different to me now that I am a mother.  As I was getting Charlotte dressed this morning and she puked all over my work clothes, all I could do was smile.  I am thankful that I get to be drenched in spit up every morning.  I am so blessed that my girl is perfect and with me.  Not everyone got to dress their little on this morning, but I did, so I am richer then most people.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

A busy Baby!

Charlotte has been so busy these days! I can't believe next week will be her first Christmas! I have so many gifts to shop for and wrap, I really should have planned ahead haha

Charlotte had two cookie exchanges and a chilli cook off this weekend!  She is one party animal.  Charlotte is so good when we go out and always the hit of the party.  Her first Christmas season has been so great, and is only getting better! I am happy she has so many fun things to do and gets to get out and about. 

My little baby is six months old.  I can hardly believe it.  What is she up to these days you ask? Well she can sit up all by herself! She is great at sitting for long periods of time now and without having someone support her! It still amazes me every time it happens, I can hardly believe that six months ago she was just a five pound tiny peanut that depended on me for everything! Time has flown by! I miss my little peanut, but love watching her grow.  It's only getting better, I'm a lucky girl!

Big girl eating her puffs:
 
 I love peas and apples, give me more mom:


Happy Girl covered in food:
 
Big girl bath time: 


 
All of the toys haha: 

Friday, December 7, 2012

What if...

So tonight we played the "what if" game.  I thought about the major life decisions I had made, what if I never left Frostburg, what if I never married Adam, what if I did't go to grad school, what if I chose another career path, what if I never worked at camp. 

I thought about all of these things and where I would be today if I chose different directions.  The only conclusion that I ended up at was it doesn't matter what I chose.  I believe that somehow, I would have become this little girls mother.  I was meant to be her mom.  No matter how much heartache it took to get to this exact moment in time, it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day Charlotte and I have each other, and that is what was meant to be.  I was chosen to be her mom, and I can't wait to keep moving forward and watching her grow into an awesome woman of her own.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

The curious incident of the toilet paper at shower time...

I don't know about most working moms, but this working mom doesn't always have time to give the baby her own bath every night.  Charlotte and I worked out a great system.  She loves to shower with me! She is actually starting to get to big for it, but it works great, so I will hate to retire it!

Anyway, our system is get in the shower, wash ms. Lotte pants, and then bundle her up and let her play on the floor while I take a few minutes to wash my hair and such.  Thanks to CGT I have mastered the fine art of a quick quick shower.  Anyway, tonight when I was in the shower, I heard her laughing and doing her happy scream...so I think great, she's having a ball, I can take the time to shave my legs...then I peak out of the current and find that she has unrolled half of the brand new toilet paper roll all over the place! It was hilarious! I couldn't resist taking pictures, I have so much fun with this little one and she brings me so much joy, sadly I will have to find a new way to shower. ugh.




Wednesday, December 5, 2012

My girl just keeps growing!

Well it seems Lotte has pretty much mastered sitting on her own! She rarely needs supports and sits up much straighter now.  She amazes me everyday! She also is attempting to learn to crawl.  She hasn't quite figure out how to lift her head and her legs up in the right order. 

Right now she just lifts her butt up really high, she can get onto her knees and everything, her head stays put though haha! She will get it soon I think, she is out of control smart and talented! She also loves to grab things and rip things up!

Sometimes it is hard to read to her, because she wants to rip the pages out, solution? Let her tear up an old useless text book! Short post tonight because I am tired and plan to sleep after AHS! But don't worry, lots of pictures are involved!












Sunday, December 2, 2012

She just keeps growing!

I thought I would start with some pictures! I have been taking Lotte's monthly pictures but haven't been posting them! I haven't taken the six months picture yet, but I thought I would share her newborn picture and her five month picture! It is insane how much my tiny peanut has grown.

Lotte, Home from the hospital, about a week old:
 
Lotte a few days over five months old! She has grown so much: 
 
Lotte turned 24 weeks old on Thursday!  These last six months have been so crazy and amazing.  She is eating baby food and sitting up by herself.  She is still not sleeping through the night, but thanks for asking ;) I can't believe how amazingly wonderful life with Charlotte is.  Some days it is really hard, but overall it is amazing. 
 
I haven't posted since last weekend, but this past week and weekend have been great.  Charlotte does something different every day.  She is now becoming very mobile.  I guess I will have to start baby proofing the house sometime soon.  She can sit up all on her own.  She doesn't last too long, she is more of a supported sitter haha.  She also has been reaching for things she wants.  If you place them just out of her reach she will work hard to get to them.  She rolls from her back to her stomach, but soon realizes she is voluntarily participating in tummy time, which she hates, so she instantly flips back over to her back and does a little baby crab walk scooch thing to reach what she wants.  It is amazing the things such a tiny human can do. 
 
Things have been so busy these days and I have been sick, so I am utterly exhausted.  I had planned to get my haircut this weekend, a feat that has not been accomplished since three months since before Lotte was born, but sadly my sitter plans fell through.  I think I will have to start taking people up on their offers to help.  Although I love my little girl more then the entire world, I think that I have take more time for myself.  It is impossible to do things mostly by myself anymore.  I was lucky enough that her GG volunteered to babysit so that I could go out for a couple hours Saturday night to celebrate Katie's big 3-0! It was fun, but I hate asking GG to babysit all the time, she already picks Lotte up from daycare three days a week and is really my go to person for help, sometimes I feel like I rely to much on her. 
 
It is a weird feeling.  I know I should ask for help, but I hate putting other people out for my own selfish needs.  I mean I don't really NEED a haircut (and probably shouldn't spend the money).  I am working on becoming more of a selfless person, but it's hard...I have split ends and I hate them! I hope I am doing the best I can for Lotte and I know I say it in every post, but I really want her to have the best life possible.  One of the mom lessons I learned is that you can no longer be selfish when you have a child.  So that is what I am working on, trying to get rid of my selfish tendencies.  I mean at the end of the day, you all will be the ones that have to look at me with bad hair, so it really is your loss haha!
 
I did not finish Charlotte's laundry this weekend; one of my only goals lol.  I need to set aside sometime during the week to organize her room and do all of her laundry, it is a little out of control.  Weeknights are so hard for me, by the time I get out of work, get to GG's to pick her up and get home, it's usually about 6:30 and at that point, it's all I can do to make dinner, feed, bathe and get the baby ready for bed before passing out, so adding another chore into the equation is a thought that makes me shake in my boots.  But I know it needs to be done, so I just have to buckle down and do it.  I really need to work on my motivation level.  Usually the best time to get things done is when she is sleeping, but I hate to waste those precious hours on chores, when I could be relaxing or sleeping myself.  Such is life I guess.  It definitely gives me a newfound respect for parents of babies all over the world. 

In other news I did finally make it to Costco to get some groceries and baby formula.  I purchased two cans of formula thinking I'd "stock up" (any parent knows that only lasts a few weeks or so haha).  So I budgeted my money, put back several of my personal indulgences (marinated mozzarella, I will miss you) and bought my items.  I made it to the car, and as always I parked the cart with my paid for goods right in front of my trunk.  I then went to the side of the car to get Lotte out of her baby bjorn and strapped into her car seat so I could put my groceries away.  When I went to the cart, I noticed the baby formula was GONE! Both cans had disappeared! I heard people talking and walking by, but it was a Sunday afternoon, Costco was SO busy that I didn't think anything of it! I can not believe someone stole it :( So I loaded the groceries, then got Lotte back out of her car seat and went back to the store.  I spoke with the people in charge, but they could not give me a replacement or a refund.  I was so mad!!!!! Two of the people I talked to were nice about it, and just explained why they could not refund my money, but one was a complete jerk and blamed me over and over again.  I had a tired hungry baby, and the store was packed with lots of free sample grubbers, so I didn't argue with her, I just paid double, which sucks.  The mean lady wouldn't even tell me her name, she kept covering up her name tag, I even asked for the manager twice and she refused, seriously who is a jerk to someone carrying a baby that just got infant formula stolen from them in their parking lot?! If it was quieter in there or Lotte wasn't with me I would have asked for her boss, but I needed to get my items and go! I really hope whoever took it, really actually needed it and wasn't just being a jerk.  Although it sucks for me, and is scary that I got "robbed" while sitting in the car buckling Lotte in, if someone needed it for their sweet baby, I'm glad they took it.  I'm out $40, but at least I can afford to replace it, and at least they didn't take my string cheese (my go to breakfast haha!)  I hope there is a healthy happy FAT baby out there :)
 
Charlotte has finally drifted off while I typed this, so I'm off to take advantage of it! I feel a nice shower and SLEEP coming on, it's ten o'clock she is due to be up around one, so I shall sleep while I can.  Good night blog world, and if I don't say it enough, thanks to all those who read it, and all those who send me the amazing messages of support.  On the hard days, it really helps me get by!


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Charlotte, Meet Santa!

What a weekend it was! Four whole days off to spend with Charlotte, it was amazing! It was very very hard to say goodbye to her on Monday.  I am sad I only have one day off for Christmas.  LAME!

Charlotte and I have so many fun things to look forward to in the month of December in preparation for her first Christmas.  I cant wait! Tonight Charlotte watched the Grinch for the first time, she loved it! I imagine it will be come one of our traditions, watching the Grinch together in our pajamas.  That was something I always did as a kid, so I am glad to be starting Charlotte off with our own traditions. 
 
This past weekend Charlotte got to meet Santa! We went to the festival of trees and she had so much fun.  She loved to look at all the bright lights and of course she loved hanging with her new cousin Holden, auntie Jenna and her GG! Although, I think her favorite part was our lunch at Panera.  Charlotte really enjoyed ripping up the menu.  That is one of her new things,  moving and ripping papers.  No more regular books for her, just board books for now haha!
 
She did well on Santa's lap.  She didn't cry or scream or pee on Santa.  In fact she was so comfortable, she pulled his beard.  I actually thought Santa was going to cry.  He screamed that it hurt hahaha.  Everyone has their Santa pictures, so I can't wait to show her hers when she is older and tell her all about her adventures as a baby. 
 
Everyday with her just keeps getting better.  Sometimes are extremely hard and I have no idea how I am even functioning on no sleep and such big life changes,  but mostly I just smile and realize how blessed I am with this amazing little ball of love. 

Nice to meet you Santa:
 
Not Impressed: 
 
Thumbsucker: 
 
Lotte and  Mommy: 

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Noisy Girl!

Charlotte is growing and growing! Today we got into the Christmas spirit.  We finished putting up the Christmas decorations and went down to see Santa's arrival in Arbutus.  We walked around the train garden and watched The Grinch on the outside movie screen.  She had fun strolling around in her B.O.B.  Santa came in on the fire truck as usual! It was too cold today to wait outside for her to sit on his lap, so I am going to take her back there soon to get her picture with Santa.  I hope it goes well, or at least gives me an embarrassing picture to show her in the future!

She is such a smart little girl.  She learns new sounds all the time.  It is amazing and annoying.  She is rarely ever quiet, especially when we are home.  Usually when she is out and about or around someone she isn't as comfortable with she is more quiet, but at home she lets loose! I call her my little beat box! She loves to make fart noises with her mouth.  Lately she has learned this really high pitch squeal.  I have no idea where she learned it, but it is insanely annoying.  Annoying AND cute, because she is SO happy and proud of herself when she does it!

Because it is so cute, it makes it much less annoying, and when she learns to make a new sound it is actually pretty amazing.  I think she is going to have the gift of gab!

Also, if anyone is still reading, I'd like to thank everyone out there in blog land.  I get messages on minimum a weekly basis, but usually more.  Everyone who reads my blog says such nice things to me, and you all have no idea how much they mean.  Some days it is very lonely just me and Charlotte, and some days I doubt my ability as a mom and even doubt my ability as a human to function (esp. after all my recent injuries lol).  But Charlotte keeps me going.  You guys also keep me going.  It really means a lot to me when I get messages about how cute Charlotte is or what a good job I am doing, or how loved both me and Charlotte are.  Your thoughts, prayers, and kind words are nourishment for my soul.  When my nights are dark, I remember the support and love Lotte and I have and it keeps me going.  I know it seems small, but the nice words and the time people have taken to text me, comment, send me an email of fb message really keep me going and are a big deal to me, they help me stay grounded and I believe help me to be a better mom.  It takes a village right?

Friday, November 23, 2012

Charlotte's first Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving has come and gone! It ended too quickly for me, but was so happy that Charlotte had a good Thanksgiving. 
 
We had dinner at my house as usual and I think the turkey I made this year was my best yet! I love foodnetwork.com, they always make it easy for me to do everything.  I really enjoy hosting and cooking.  Being a good hostess is something I have always prided myself on. 
 
This Thanksgiving was the first in eight years where I did not have Adam.  It was hard because last Thanksgiving we announced our pregnancy and I thought this year would be our first as a family unit.  Obvi, that did not happen as planned.  But luckily it was still great and Charlotte got to enjoy time with both sides of her family.  It was different, but it was a happy day for my little one, and in the end that is all that matters. 
 
Thanksgiving at my house was even extra special this year because we had the privlege of having to amazing babies there! Charlotte's cousin Holden is amazing! It is so funny because I can barely remember those days.  How quickly I forgot what it was like to hold a brand new baby.  They are so soft and sweet and have that amazing new baby smell (don't judge my weirdness!) It was also exciting because it was their first family holiday.  It was crazy as usual, but they are going to have so much fun growing up together!

The babes (doesn't Holden look like a cute little old man?!)
 
After Thanksgiving I even got to go black Friday shopping at the outlets which was nice, all of my Christmas shopping is pretty much done! Lotte and I enjoyed our day together.  Lots of cuddling and we started putting up the Christmas decorations.  She loves to look at the tree, it's all shiny and sparkly, her favorite things haha. 
 
Tomorrow the holiday fun continues! Lotte is going to meet Santa for the first time! I am taking her to local Christmas festival thing to see Santa arrive in town.  And on Sunday She gets to go to the festival of trees with her cousin and GG.  Charlotte loves getting out and about, and I am thankful that I am able to take her to these things. She deserves the most amazing life and I try to do something fun with her every day, so that every day is special and fun. 
 
I hate that stupid saying "YOLO", but it is true. You really do only live once, so it is important to make the most of it and make every day special.  I know I say it all the time, but I really will treasure this time I have with Charlotte.  It is so much fun to watch her grow up and learn new things.  This Thanksgiving I had so much to be thankful for.  I have a roof over my head, a stable job, food in my stomach, family and friends who love me and the most amazing child in the world, many people are not as lucky as I am and my life is pretty fucking sweet. 
 





Monday, November 19, 2012

I'm going to make this place your home

Some days you are just feeling a certain type of way.  Today was one of those days.  The good news? Lotte has been so so so happy today! I love hearing her laugh! She is the most amazing baby in all of the land. 

Her current favorite song is by Phillip Phillips.  She loves that song "home".  I sing it to her all the time.  I'm glad she is liking it because she used to like "call me maybe" and I got sick of singing that.  I also really love the lyrics in "home". 

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home


I am always singing it to her and promising her I will make this place her home, but tonight I realized she makes this place my home.  She is home to me.  She quiets the demons inside of me.  She is what makes me a better person.  Every night I pray that I am being the best mom I can to her.  I don't want her to miss out on anything or go without, I am hopeful that I am making her proud.  She is so amazing.  She just laughs and laughs and laughs.  It is hard to EVER be in a bad mood around her.  She is just too fun to be around! I am very much looking forward to Thanksgiving adventures this weekend!