Tuesday, October 27, 2015

How to balance being a working mom

I'm so sick of seeing these articles EVERYWHERE. This one popped up today and drove me nuts. It's provides 10 tips, to balance work and mom life. I call shenanigans. Below are their "tips" and my comments, as well as a link to their article. Sorry for my rant. 

1. "Let go of the guilt" - IMPOSSIBLE. Absurd. Moms will always have guilt, working moms, SAHM, WAHM. All of them. This article suggests that to let go of it, focus on what you're contributing, extra money for important educational classes, college, fun things etc. oh and to be happy with your "choice". Let me be clear, I'm working to SURVIVE (and some days barely making it) also, if I had a "choice" believe me I wouldn't be busting my ass working two jobs. 

2. "Find quality childcare" - obviously the writer of this article doesn't live in Maryland, if so, pretty sure they'd understand that the better the quality the higher the price tag, and even the shittiest of daycares cost about a mortgage payment sooooo 

3. "Make the mornings easier" - no matter the amount of prep work I do the night before (like the article suggests) mornings are always hectic. Have you tried to apply mascara with a toddler sitting on your lap screaming about not wanting to go to school? Have you ever tried to reason with a 3 year old about why they need to wear a coat in 30° weather, and wrangle them into it?! Because I have. And frankly it should be an Olympic sport. 

4. "Create a family calendar" - ok, this is important. 

5. "Communicate with your employer" - I'm not sure where the author of this article works, but I've never had an employer be like, oh you miss your kid? Ok cool take the afternoon off. It basically always involves me requesting PTO in advance. And calling out because my kiddos sick? Not enjoyable. 

6. "Stay connected during the day" - ok, maybe this is easier at some jobs, but let me be clear, if I get to shovel food into my mouth before 2 pm at my desk while answering phone calls and emails, it's a good day, so honestly I don't have time to FaceTime/Skype/wtc with my kiddo during the day, because working. 

7. "Limit distractions and time wasters" - this one discusses not talking with coworkers, not taking long lunches, etc. again, not sure what the author of this article does, but obviously it's not a stressful job, because sometimes I NEED to process the tragic events of the day, or something gut wrenching a client tells me. For my own sanity. Also, see above, I haven't had a lunch break in a year ha! 

8. Create special family activities - ok this one I agree with. People say to me all the time, "wow you guys do so much stuff!" Yea. I do. Because between two jobs and shared custody, we have limited time together, so I like to make the most of it 

9. Spend time with your partner - don't have one of these, so I guess I can cross it off the list. The article did a great job of reminding me "this is the number one person by your side", thanks for the reminder that I'm alone in this Parents Magazine. Much appreciated. 

10. Create moments for yourself - IF ONE MORE PERSON SUGGESTS A FUCKING SPA DAY IM GOING TO LOSE IT! Yes, a spa day would be GREAT, but I refer you back to point number one, I'm working to survive. Who has the money for a spa day. I haven't had a haircut in over a year! A YEAR! If I had the money or time for a spa day, believe me, I'd have one. But if I can't find the time to get a haircut, how do you expect me to have a spa day? 

Here's the recap: being a mom is hard. Being a working mom is really hard, being a working single mom is really really hard. Is it any harder than being a stay at home mom? I have no idea because I'm not one. I might be? But it also might be easier in some ways. Who knows. What I do know, is that being a mom, while really really hard is FUCKING AMAZING! I am an incredibly fortune person to be in the position I am in. Seriously, have you seen or met my kid? She's amazing. It's been a lot of hard work these three years, but I'm proud of the little person she has become, and proud of the working mom I am, proud of the hard work I've put in that has contributed to her being so amazing. I love being a mom. 

Here's my tips. 

1. It's ok to feel guilty, don't stop doing it - yea it makes you feel crappy sometimes, but it's how we know we are human, it's how we know we are hard working, it's how we know we are doing a good job. If you never felt guilty, you probably only care about yourself, and that's stupid. 

2. Sometimes mornings will suck. Kids won't want to wear socks. Or coats. Keep a kit kat or diet coke in your purse. (For yourself, not them)

3. Stop reading stupid internet articles. Even if they pop up in your newsfeed. Unless it's a link to my blog, than You'll be happy you read it

4. Do whatever you want. Most people are doing a great job and don't even know it (Sometimes even I forget, then Someone reminds me and I'm like oh yeah I AM an awesome mom) so, you're already likely doing a good job, and doing what works for you, so just keep doing it. 

That's it. 

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